People say that friendships get difficult to cultivate as you become an adult. And I totally agree! As a kid, naivety is in full swing and red flags are waived off and excused by aunties as “He’s just a child”. What happens when a fully developed adult, still exhibits the characteristics of a 4-year-old? Are you still expected to maintain a friendship with said person?

I haven’t been a girl with many friends because I connect better with people one-on-one, wait for that friendship to be somewhat mature, before cultivating another. As a teenager, I thought that was eccentric, I wanted to have a tribe! The Destiny’s child squad! I tried my best to fit in, but I struggled with the inauthenticity of showing up for friends who didn’t have my best interest at heart.

Until recently, I wasn’t 100% sure who to consider a friend, how to be vulnerable with a friend because of the fear of venomous retaliation if there was a fall out, how to be a friend, and even how to end a friendship.

However, there are two consistent friendships in my life spanning over two decades now! Here are a few things I have learned from these friendships as well as the others that didn’t work out:

1. Friends are allowed to have different preferences. One isn’t ‘better’ than the other. They’re just different and that’s okay.
2. Friendship efforts should come from both parties. You can’t rely on one person to carry all the weight.
3. You’re not expected to walk on egg shells around a friend. You should be able to authentically be yourself.
4. It’s okay to ‘date’ a person to establish if they’re the friend for you. Get to know them and if your alarm bells are going off about this person, it’s okay to walk away.
5. Friends don’t gossip about you, or share your private conversations with others.
6. Friends respectfully call you out privately and support you publicly.
7. Friends understand the season you’re in and collaborate with you to understand how the friendship can keep thriving.
8. Friends root for each other’s success. Your success is our success. It is not a competition.
9. If you feel envious about a friend’s success, there is an underlying discontent in you that needs to be addressed. Your friend is not expected to play down their success in order to manage your emotions.
10. Some people can be acquaintances and that’s fine. The word wouldn’t exist if everyone was supposed to be a friend.
11. If your intuition is going off about a friend, address it, question it, don’t ignore it. It may be pointing out a yellow flag before it turns RED!
12. Friends may not communicate daily, but when you do, there’s depth in topics discussed.
13. Although a friend may not always be available due to schedule constraints, they are mostly there for you when you need them.
14. You do not have to force your values to align, it may simply mean you both prioritize different things or the end of a friendship.
15. Friendships end and that’s okay.

I could go on and on! But tell me! Which point resonates with you, and what additional points do you have? Share your thoughts below!

Photo Source: Pixels.com