As I reflect on 2021, I am just in awe of how far I have come this year!

Just to give you some context; at the beginning of this year the word that was placed on my heart for 2021 was ‘Self Control’. To be honest I was scared! Because it’s an area I struggled in!

As an empath, I absorb the energy around me- positive or negative which can be very overwhelming. Focusing on self-control meant that I needed to:

• Get comfortable having uncomfortable conversations
• Stick to my decisions even if its unpopular
• Identify the role that I’ve played in dysfunctional relationships
• Become more self-aware and correct false projections of my feelings by others
• Love myself enough to walk away from toxic relationships
• Enforce boundaries
• Work on codependency issues

Sounds like a whole lot, right?! Through this process, 5 books affirmed my situation and helped me through this difficult journey.

1.The Bible

I know its cliché putting the Bible first, but honestly, I didn’t realize how applicable the word of God could be! I was used to reading a few chapters here and there and listening to the word based on other people’s interpretations.

But in 2021 I decided to read the Bible for myself and hear what God was saying to me about my situation instead of depending solely on others.

And this was the best decision ever! There is nothing that you are going through that is not in the Bible! Heartbreak, Self Doubt, Fake Friendships, Marriage, Motherhood, Leadership, and more! I even found my personality twins in the Bible! (Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and Moses! – Shout out to my fellow Melancholies! LOL!) 

And suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone in my journey, I felt encouraged through the pressure, breaking, crushing, and polishing!

I used this book ‘The Bible in 52 Weeks by Dr. Kimberly Moore‘ to help me manage the readings and I highly recommend it!

2. When to Walk Away – Finding Freedom from Toxic People By Gary Thomas

Honestly, I started this book (Find here) in 2020, but it was completely against my artificial genetic makeup (People Pleasing- Read my post about this here).

After hearing the author speak on the Family Life Today Podcast, I related with his story! And I gave the book a second try. I felt like, finally all my relational issues had been summarized in one book!

I had a BIG AHA! Moment!

This book taught me to pay attention to red flags that I had formerly excused and to pay attention to my emotions and my intuition as they are in place to guide me! Because-

Darling, if it looks like chicken, smells like chicken and tastes like a chicken? Then Honey that’s most definitely chicken!

3. When Pleasing you is Killing Me By Les Carter

It was all nice and dandy to know that I had certain relationships that were toxic however, I still felt restless, and I had questions like- What did I do to attract such people? What role did I play to enable such behavior?

I needed a diagnosis to move forward with a treatment!

 And the Holy Spirit nailed it on my forehead! LOL- People Pleasing!

This book (Find here) was suggested to me on my Kindle, when I read it, I 100% related to everything it said! This book taught me to work on myself- my own faults and the role I have played in encouraging toxicity over the years.

Honey! It has not been pretty, I’m generally an outgoing person, one who doesn’t like stepping on toes AKA an AVOIDER! I run away from conflict but it’s not a healthy or sustainable way to live!

I needed to respect myself enough to teach people how to treat me and break the cycle I have encouraged over the years.

As you read this, what cycle do you think you need to break out of? – Manipulation, Blaming others for your mistakes, Playing victim, Seeking validation, Negative Self Talk? I challenge you to focus on whatever it is in the new year!

4. In Unison By Jeremy and Adrienne Camp

The day you stop learning is the day you stop growing!

Even though I feel like I have read a lot of marriage resources, I still read/listen to more so I can continue to learn in the school of marriage!

This book (Find here) taught me that the grass is not always greener on the other side, every marriage has its peculiarities, and my job isn’t to judge that. My job is to appreciate God’s differences and learn from other people’s relationships!

The day you stop focusing on other people’s marriages and start focusing on yours is the day all the faults you have ignored in your own marriage become visible.

So, ask yourself this:

Are you keeping yourself busy with poking your nose in other people’s relationships to distract yourself from the realities of your own relationship?

5. Growing Kids with Character By Hettie Brittz

My husband and I’s personalities are very different from that of our son. Reading this book (Find here) helped me identify my son’s personality and how best to show him love, guide him, and discipline him.

For instance, my son is mostly a ‘Boxwood’ so he loves routine and structure! His bedtime is at 7:30PM, when we try to be spontaneous and stay up late, we get an extremely fussy baby! Not fun by the way. Identifying this early, guided my husband and I in our parenting decisions!

Do you know your kid’s personality type? I challenge you to find out what it is! You learn a lot about yourself and the little one in the process!

These are the books that helped me through my marriage, parenting, and personal development journey in 2021! Which other books do you recommend? And do you have a reading list for 2022? Leave your comments below!

God Bless you Tremendously

Akhere

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