People say that friendships get difficult to cultivate as you become an adult. And I totally agree! As a kid, naivety is in full swing and red flags are waived off and excused by aunties as “He’s just a child”. What happens when a fully developed adult, still exhibits the characteristics of a 4-year-old? Are you still expected to maintain a friendship with said person?
I haven’t been a girl with many friends because I connect better with people one-on-one, wait for that friendship to be somewhat mature, before cultivating another. As a teenager, I thought that was eccentric, I wanted to have a tribe! The Destiny’s child squad! I tried my best to fit in, but I struggled with the inauthenticity of showing up for friends who didn’t have my best interest at heart.
Until recently, I wasn’t 100% sure who to consider a friend, how to be vulnerable with a friend because of the fear of venomous retaliation if there was a fall out, how to be a friend, and even how to end a friendship.
However, there are two consistent friendships in my life spanning over two decades now! Here are a few things I have learned from these friendships as well as the others that didn’t work out:
- Friends are allowed to have different preferences. One isn’t ‘better’ than the other. They’re just different and that’s okay.
- Friendship efforts should come from both parties. You can’t rely on one person to carry all the weight.
- You’re not expected to walk on egg shells around a friend. You should be able to authentically be yourself.
- It’s okay to ‘date’ a person to establish if they’re the friend for you. Get to know them and if your alarm bells are going off about this person, it’s okay to walk away.
- Friends don’t gossip about you, or share your private conversations with others.
- Friends respectfully call you out privately and support you publicly.
- Friends understand the season you’re in and collaborate with you to understand how the friendship can keep thriving.
- Friends root for each other’s success. Your success is our success. It is not a competition.
- If you feel envious about a friend’s success, there is an underlying discontent in you that needs to be addressed. Your friend is not expected to play down their success in order to manage your emotions.
- Some people can be acquaintances and that’s fine. The word wouldn’t exist if everyone was supposed to be a friend.
- If your intuition is going off about a friend, address it, question it, don’t ignore it. It may be pointing out a yellow flag before it turns RED!
- Friends may not communicate daily, but when you do, there’s depth in topics discussed.
- Although a friend may not always be available due to schedule constraints, they are mostly there for you when you need them.
- You do not have to force your values to align, it may simply mean you both prioritize different things or the end of a friendship.
- Friendships end and that’s okay.
I could go on and on! But tell me! Which point resonates with you, and what additional points do you have? Share your thoughts below!
Photo Source: Pixels.com
