I don’t know about you, but I was very self-righteous as a single woman- I felt people who had challenges in their marriages were not attending enough love seminars or needed to read the 5 love languages a million times or needed to suck it up and have sex with their husbands on demand!
Hunnie! When I got married, I fell off my high horse and the horse ran away! LOL! Life changes like the birth of a child, death of a loved one, job loss, midlife crisis etc. can test marriages in unimaginable ways, and hunnie! You better be a friend of Jesus during these times!
Here are 5 things I wish I realized before getting married:
1. YOUR PRINCE CHARMING ISN’T ALL THAT
We have all sinned and fallen short! We are not perfect at all (Romans 2:21-24).
We live in a broken world; we can’t experience complete happiness here because this is not our home. We all have insecurities and flaws and so does your MR! Marriage is not suddenly going to change that; it makes it more visible!
The question is are you going to force him to conform to your expectation? Or are you going to trust God to do his work?
2.YOUR FLEXIBILITY IN BED IS NOT GOING TO MATTER
As a kid, were you ever told not to do something, but the only thing you could think about was that ONE thing you were told NOT to do!! Crazy right?!
Choosing to wait with my husband, presented the same challenge!
Sex could be all you have your mind on right now, and trust me it’s beautiful within the boundaries of marriage. But after you’ve had lots of it, like that music you love and constantly have on repeat, you’ll become accustomed to it! Then you’ll notice those annoying traits (that have always been there FYI) you chose to ignore!
Your flexibility in bed is not going to matter at this point, what’s going to matter is your relationship with God and how vulnerable you can be with him about your challenges!
3.IT STARTS WITH YOU
The Serenity prayer has become my mantra recently:
“God, give me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”
The only person you can change is yourself. Your little flaws and insecurities that you have swept under the rug for years will come out in full force in marriage! Why? The ‘legitness’ (yes, that’s in my own dictionary) of true character is tested when we are in a relationship not in isolation!
When you are single, hunnie, you can do no wrong! You are Mother Theresa giving advise you’re most likely not going to take. Marriage will test that. The season of being single is a time to bring all your hidden flaws to light and work on them. You don’t have to be perfect (Read Point #1) you just have to be willing to die daily to those sins!
4.SETTING BOUNDARIES IS KEY
I have the tendency to be a people pleaser. I like to make people happy even at my own expense. But it’s not a sustainable and healthy way to live.
Instead of waiting to be pushed to your breaking point before standing firm, set those boundaries!!
What makes you uncomfortable? What is your body saying in response to someone’s actions? What is the Holy Spirit telling you about someone or a situation?
The answers to these questions are what will guide you in setting boundaries with those around you! Boundaries is not ungodly, it’s a way of pointing out to others where you begin and end (Genesis 1:6-7). I won’t set up a gazebo in my neighbors’ backyard because I’m exceeding the boundaries of my property lines! I won’t dump my trash in my neighbor’s garbage bin because it’s my trash not theirs! (Unless they have permitted me to). Boundaries are what separates you from me.
5.YOUR STORY ACTUALLY MATTERS
What’s the story of your relationship? What is your relationship rooted in?
If your relationship is purely physical, can you rely on that keep you during the stormy times?
If you manipulated your way to that ring, can you rely on manipulation to keep your marriage going?
But if God is your foundation, when you’re going through a rough patch, you can cry to him to help you with what he has given you!
P.S It’s not the end of the world if you didn’t start right. But how can you finish right? How can you make your story beautiful?
Did any of these points stand out for you? Which ones? Please leave your comments below!
What are some things you wish you knew before you got married? Let me know! (I promise I won’t judge!)
Thanks for reading!
God Bless you Tremendously
Akhere
Photos:pexels.com
